Questions Without Answers

Where am I going?  Why am I doing this?  What is all this for?  And should I have the answers to these questions?

If you haven’t noticed by my lack of regular posts over the past couple of weeks, I seem to have come upon a complete lack of inspiration.  The weather is nice, my garden is slowly growing, but I’ve found myself unable to find even the smallest, tiniest tidbits of inspiration throughout my days.  Just last night, the town herd of deer even stole my latest bit of inspiration:  the hardy geranium in my concrete planter that had happily covered itself in fuzzy, new leaves.  Overnight, its beautiful leafed shaped was transformed into an unexpected buzz cut.  All that remains are a few nubs of stems, not a leaf in sight.  Forget a tip for that hairdresser!  So even this, my latest hint of inspiration, was chewed off in the middle of the night as I slept.

One of the things that I’ve really learned by muddling my way through creating a blog is that it has caused me to literally slow down, to remember things, to experience things.  A snowflake on my nose, the smell of wet bales of winter hay, even the recent landing of a sparkling jewel of a winged insect upon my arm one warm afternoon.  But lately, it seems I’m struggling for anything worthy of writing about or sharing with others.  What is my goal?  And, do I need a goal?

All it seems I can offer is a life filled with daily struggles, lessons (hopefully learned), cause for laughter here and there and little seeds of inspiration which can be found always, if you just look close enough.

My Dad asked me the question a few weekends ago and it was funny timing, because I had been secretly asking myself the exact same question of myself the week before.  He asked me what I hoped to get out of blogging and writing, or where I hoped it would take me.  The honest truth is:  I don’t know.  But something is encouraging me, leading me to continue on.   It is pulling me along blindly without that final destination on the radar.  So, I’ve offered it up to God.

It reminded me of something I had read that had encouraged my soul a few years ago.  It was a just a short essay written by The Rev. Spencer Carr entitled, “Who is God Calling You to Be?”  I had somewhat grudgingly read through it, not all too inspired by the title or its introduction.  But something urged me on and in the final paragraphs of the essay, I read words that had a really profound effect on my heart.  The author was in his fifties and was questioning his call to pursue ordination into the priesthood at such a late stage in his life.

“Does it really make sense, I asked, for me already in my 50s, to invest the time (and money!) to become a priest?  And the Rev. Canon Bert Womack answered me, ‘As far as we know, God may be calling you to be a priest for just one single task at one particular moment.’  I came to see that if God was calling me to be a priest, it was just as important for me to say yes then as it would be at any other time in my life.”

It caused me to reflect on the concept that our lives may have many significant moments, but our purpose in doing something may just be one moment at one particular time.  All your preparing, all your living, loving and losing may be for just one, singular moment.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

Will you be ready for your moment when it comes?  Will you cherish it, realizing that it was what you had been molded for over the course of your entire lifetime?  Or will you discard it as merely circumstantial?

Your job, your volunteer activities, your recreation, your friends, your enemies all may be preparing you, and even if it is just one moment of opportunity, your life brings you to these exact moments.  It has prepared you to change the course of life, either your own or someone else’s.  It is hard to grasp that a lifetime may be all about one moment, one chance, one opportunity.  And doesn’t that give it the mysterious, and very real potential to slip away so easily?  To disappear quickly without a second’s notice.  To never have even realized that it was the moment you were meant for?

So, as I return from a short little writing hiatus, I may not know where this little blog of mine will take me, or what new friends it may connect me to through the world of technology or who’s heart it may touch one morning as the sun rises but I feel something pulling me, encouraging me to continue on.

 

 

 

“When you feel that inner pull – Go for it!  Be the person that God is calling you to be.  And do it with whatever time and strength you may have left in which to live out your calling.”

Who is God calling you to be?  What is He encouraging you to do each day?  We may not understand it now, but we can have faith He is leading us to a series of moments.  Very important moments, big or small as they may be.  Moments that a lifetime has lead us to and prepared us for.  And a chance to do the very special, unique work He has given us to do.

May you feel encouraged, even when the road is winding and the sun’s glimmer fades to empty darkness.  When you question where the next bend will take you, or wonder why and how you ended up on this rocky, uphill path — Never give up, but know that you are quietly being led where you need to go.  It may not be an easy path, but it is the only path.  And to very special, important moments it will lead you.

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23 thoughts on “Questions Without Answers

  1. I do not know the expectations you put on this “blog” – a place only meant to share whatever heartfelt ramblings come across your path, whenever you choose. But just know that one of your readers had held no grand expectations of you…and yet each entry has touched me in a significant way. I love hearing your heart…whenever you choose to share it.

    • Oh, thanks so much Ellene! I really didn’t have any expectations to begin with (with just the goal of having something to hold me accountable to writing more often). But it is funny how you start learning more about them, discovering other blogs and suddenly you are comparing yourself to everything else out there! Why, oh why?! Thanks so much for being a fan, and that is the ultimate compliment: that I have somehow touched your heart with my posts!

  2. Wonderful post! I think we all take breaks from self-expression, but as you have elegantly stated…when you are called back, embrace it and may it take you away to awesome destinations wherever that may be!!

    • Thanks Robyn! After breaking from it, even for just a week or so, it was SO hard to feel like what I was writing was worthy! What a horrible cycle! I thought of you as I wrote about the paths our lives may take, difficult as they may seem at times. I was also behind in reading blogs, but the timing of “Release” made my heart stop for a moment. Hopefully I, too, have released the question . . .

      • Makes my heart sing to hear that a post I created could touch you that way 🙂 Thanks for sharing — and you just do what feels good in any given moment…clearly you can do no wrong on this one!

  3. I can relate completely…in fact my current post (until tomorrow) is entitled Purpose…if you haven’t seen it, you might want to take a look and you will be astounded ( as I am now) how we are somehow on the same wavelength at the same time although we haven’t yet communicated…that in itself is reason enough to continue…:)

    • Thanks for your words of validation! I’m glad to have “met” you here in the blog-o-sphere! Great post on purpose — the sense of the word can seem so huge and incomprehensible, yet purpose can have just as much validity in our everyday, small acts as well.

  4. Oh, KT this made tears come to my eyes!! I love your bright, sweet, loving soul, and the way you share your love for the world and life in your beautiful words.
    Share as much or as little here as you feel called to do. xoxo

    • Awwwww! Thanks so much for all these kind words!!! Now you made a tear come to MY eyes! Thanks for your encouragement and support. Most of all, thank YOU for being an inspiration to me through your written words!

  5. Hi,

    I think I’m going through a similar patch and just can’t seem to find the motivation right now to blog… But I think tbh it might be a reflection on other parts of my life and it’s just sapping my energy as it’s highly unusual for me to be feeling so blase by now when the season’s only just beginning!

    I hope you find your motivation again soon; no doubt it will return once the weather warms and there’s no longer the need for heating or woolies.

    • I’m sorry to hear that you are sharing with me in my lack of inspiration 😦 Yes, the warm weather without a chance of frost and things finally beginning to bloom in my garden will no doubt help! Just know that your beautiful photos are always a source of inspiration for me. I feel transported to a magical, otherwordly garden when I visit your site. They never fail to warm my heart! (And until things start blooming here, I’m relying on daydreams via your photos! 😉

  6. KT,
    It’s a comfort to think I’m on the path I need to be on, making the choices that I need to make, and I hope I can be ready to spot those very special moments when they come my way. I love reading your blog. . . you can always lift my spirit and make my world bright!!

    • Awwww! Glad they can brighten your days here and there! (Unless I start feeling inspired soon, I may have no choice but to start writing about holes in stomachs as Easter dinner conversation! Ha!) Thanks for all your support and encouragement! Love you!

  7. Hi Miss KT, We all have to disappear and collect ourselves. It is so special for me to share your intimate thoughts–sometimes reaching very close to my own. I have never read one of your blogs that I was not touched and came to challenge mysel!! Your blog is for your own enjoyment. However along the way you have touched many hearts and what a blessing that is for all of us.

    • Awwwwww! Thanks Miss Shirley! I’m glad I’ve been able to touch your heart (and hopefully make you giggle at Max!) a little along the way. Sometimes we do just have to disappear for a bit, to come back re-energized and re-inspired. Thanks for all your support and love!

    • Thanks Jess. You are definitely not alone! It’s a never ending journey of trying to discern our purpose and having the courage to truly “be ourselves” can be so difficult sometimes. I hope you feel re-energized and re-inspired with life soon, my friend!

  8. Lovely post! Really enjoyed reading 🙂 And don’t worry about lack of inspiration…what makes inspiration so delightful, is that it always comes when it is meant to come, and often in ways that make for the most pleasant of surprises 🙂

    • Thanks so much for your wise words! Just like you so eloquently said, I need to trust that inspiration will come again, and it may wax and wane here and there. Thanks for your words of encouragement. Glad you enjoyed this one!

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