Where am I going? Why am I doing this? What is all this for? And should I have the answers to these questions?
If you haven’t noticed by my lack of regular posts over the past couple of weeks, I seem to have come upon a complete lack of inspiration. The weather is nice, my garden is slowly growing, but I’ve found myself unable to find even the smallest, tiniest tidbits of inspiration throughout my days. Just last night, the town herd of deer even stole my latest bit of inspiration: the hardy geranium in my concrete planter that had happily covered itself in fuzzy, new leaves. Overnight, its beautiful leafed shaped was transformed into an unexpected buzz cut. All that remains are a few nubs of stems, not a leaf in sight. Forget a tip for that hairdresser! So even this, my latest hint of inspiration, was chewed off in the middle of the night as I slept.
One of the things that I’ve really learned by muddling my way through creating a blog is that it has caused me to literally slow down, to remember things, to experience things. A snowflake on my nose, the smell of wet bales of winter hay, even the recent landing of a sparkling jewel of a winged insect upon my arm one warm afternoon. But lately, it seems I’m struggling for anything worthy of writing about or sharing with others. What is my goal? And, do I need a goal?
All it seems I can offer is a life filled with daily struggles, lessons (hopefully learned), cause for laughter here and there and little seeds of inspiration which can be found always, if you just look close enough.
My Dad asked me the question a few weekends ago and it was funny timing, because I had been secretly asking myself the exact same question of myself the week before. He asked me what I hoped to get out of blogging and writing, or where I hoped it would take me. The honest truth is: I don’t know. But something is encouraging me, leading me to continue on. It is pulling me along blindly without that final destination on the radar. So, I’ve offered it up to God.
It reminded me of something I had read that had encouraged my soul a few years ago. It was a just a short essay written by The Rev. Spencer Carr entitled, “Who is God Calling You to Be?” I had somewhat grudgingly read through it, not all too inspired by the title or its introduction. But something urged me on and in the final paragraphs of the essay, I read words that had a really profound effect on my heart. The author was in his fifties and was questioning his call to pursue ordination into the priesthood at such a late stage in his life.
“Does it really make sense, I asked, for me already in my 50s, to invest the time (and money!) to become a priest? And the Rev. Canon Bert Womack answered me, ‘As far as we know, God may be calling you to be a priest for just one single task at one particular moment.’ I came to see that if God was calling me to be a priest, it was just as important for me to say yes then as it would be at any other time in my life.”
It caused me to reflect on the concept that our lives may have many significant moments, but our purpose in doing something may just be one moment at one particular time. All your preparing, all your living, loving and losing may be for just one, singular moment. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Will you be ready for your moment when it comes? Will you cherish it, realizing that it was what you had been molded for over the course of your entire lifetime? Or will you discard it as merely circumstantial?
Your job, your volunteer activities, your recreation, your friends, your enemies all may be preparing you, and even if it is just one moment of opportunity, your life brings you to these exact moments. It has prepared you to change the course of life, either your own or someone else’s. It is hard to grasp that a lifetime may be all about one moment, one chance, one opportunity. And doesn’t that give it the mysterious, and very real potential to slip away so easily? To disappear quickly without a second’s notice. To never have even realized that it was the moment you were meant for?
So, as I return from a short little writing hiatus, I may not know where this little blog of mine will take me, or what new friends it may connect me to through the world of technology or who’s heart it may touch one morning as the sun rises but I feel something pulling me, encouraging me to continue on.
“When you feel that inner pull – Go for it! Be the person that God is calling you to be. And do it with whatever time and strength you may have left in which to live out your calling.”
Who is God calling you to be? What is He encouraging you to do each day? We may not understand it now, but we can have faith He is leading us to a series of moments. Very important moments, big or small as they may be. Moments that a lifetime has lead us to and prepared us for. And a chance to do the very special, unique work He has given us to do.
May you feel encouraged, even when the road is winding and the sun’s glimmer fades to empty darkness. When you question where the next bend will take you, or wonder why and how you ended up on this rocky, uphill path — Never give up, but know that you are quietly being led where you need to go. It may not be an easy path, but it is the only path. And to very special, important moments it will lead you.